somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
