He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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