He is like the real live version of the state fair..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
