I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
