She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I believe in your delicious
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize