New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
