My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
