i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize