A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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