I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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