how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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