Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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