Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
