what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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