we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
