We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
