Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
