I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
