I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize