dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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