The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
