Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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