I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
