The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
