I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
