im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize