Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He kissed a someone with a penis
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
