That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
