peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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