Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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