I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
