I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize