i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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