Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
