If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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