We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
