how can u be prego again
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Fuck appropriateness.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
