I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize