She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
