Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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