I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
bring money and cleavage
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
