had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
