I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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