Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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