I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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