I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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