I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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