So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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