Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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