How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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