guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
