No stitches, just platelets and will power
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
