I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
