my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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