My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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