I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you never un-have a 4some
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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