I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
