She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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