remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
