I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have post one night stand depression
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