Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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