bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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