i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
