She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
