matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this boner is exhausting
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its liver damage thursday
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
