She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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