I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
