Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
