I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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