I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
