so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
