what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
barbara walters just said penis...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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