So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
