East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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