In the future we'll all be gay
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
