its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
