We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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