I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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