So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
