HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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