I didn't shave. On purpose
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
