; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
