Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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