saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
