What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
