yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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