she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
