my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
