You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
