Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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