my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
