It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
