if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
