Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This baby is an asshole
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
