My first STD was from a foam party
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
