Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
