a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
