You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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