What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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