I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
