You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
