They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
